Will everybody be okay in the end? In fairytales, yes. In real life, maybe not so much. Perhaps, instead, if we work hard enough, we can maintain a life that is, at its worse, tolerable and, at its best, offers enough of a glimmer of hope to move on. First-time director Elizabeth Chomko provides the most authentic movie of 2018 with the touching and sentimental What The Had, a look at Alzheimer’s Disease/dementia (I don’t think it is ever specified) that hits you like a ton of bricks. Predecessors like the slightly overrated Still Alice, the underrated Away From Her, the brutally honest The Savages, and the Nicholas Sparks/Ryan Gosling/Rachel McAdams ‘Welcome to Hollywood’ tearjerker The Notebook. None of these four, pretty terrific, movies were able to do what What They Had was able to do…and that was to make it real for me. By the end of this movie, I was lost in all of the major characters and was on the verge of tears at the movie theatre for the first time since 2016 (keep in mind that I see over 50 movies a year in the movie theater). A movie that likely will get snubbed by all Oscar nominations, What They Had is real, brutally honest, and feels like it could be a true story about the family down the street from you, if not your family all together.

Nick (Michael Shannon – Take Shelter, The Shape of Water) receives a phone call in the middle of the night. He muffles a few words and says, “I’ll be there.” Instantly we know that this is not an irregular occurrence. Nick is the oldest of two adult children to aging father Burt (Robert Forster – Jackie Brown, The Descendants) and dementia-riddled mother Ruth (Blythe Danner – The Lightkeepers, The Last Kiss). Nick seems to be Burt’s lifeline whenever something goes wrong. When we meet our characters for the first time, it is because Ruth has wandered out of the Chicago home that she shares with her husband in the middle of the night. Also, it’s Christmas Eve and a snowstorm outside. Within a couple of days, Nick is picking up his sister Bridget (Hillary Swank – Million Dollar Baby, Boys Don’t Cry) and her college-aged daughter Emma (Taissa Farmiga – The Mule, The Nun), and the family are attempting to come up with a plan for Ruth. Nick and Bridget are ready to make it abundantly clear that Burt can no longer care for his wife on his own.

But how do you convince a stubborn and loving husband who has an undying love for his wife that he can no longer care for his wife and that moving her to a beautiful assisted living facility is the right move? How do you help him understand the precious memories that he shared with his wife…their first dates…their wedding…their children…and all of the good and bad times in between are coming to an end due to her memory loss. The love that they shared might be present for Burt, but something that this is a thing of the past for Ruth. She’s alive physically and emotionally…but mentally, all that she was is exactly that….was. And who has the ultimate say in this decision? An aging man who is struggling with his own health issues and really cannot view the situation without subjectivity? Or the adult children, who can view things more objectively and know the condition, the factors, and the many opportunities out there? And when is the right time for the torch-passing of the caring of an elderly parent from the spouse to one or more of the children?

These questions are at the forefront of the movie and are presented in ways that are sometimes funny and sometimes tragic but always very real. Trying to handle Ruth’s situation with dignity and grace when some of her actions and many of her words are anything but dignified or graceful. But while Ruth’s disease is handled with class, the movie is as much about the other characters’ lives as it is hers. As mentioned, we have Burt, who is dealing with his own health conditions and is so set in his own ways and his own thoughts, like many others of his generation, that convincing him that he can no longer do something that he believes he can do is like trying to make an elephant jump. We also have Bridget, a loveless relationship with Eddie (a completely unneeded Josh – Lucas – Glory Road, Sweet Home Alabama), and a daughter who is not quite following the college path that he had hoped for her. Nick owns a bar, but it’s not exactly thriving. He’s making ends meet, but it doesn’t feel like he’s living the dream he had planned. He’s a man who is pained by both past decisions and current indecisions in his private and personal life, and one of those was his constant struggle to please his father. It seems like there’s nothing he can do that measures up to what Burt had planned for him. He’s in a struggling relationship with a woman to who he can’t seem to commit. He has a father who he’s pretty sure loves him but is pretty uncertain whether he’s proud of the man he’s become.

Nick and Bridget also have a small sibling rivalry. It’s understated and quiet and seems to have a lot to do with her living her life in California while he has to deal alone with all of the problems with Burt and Ruth. It’s that often unspoken (and often spoken) communication when dealing with an aging parent or parents of, “I’ve been dealing with this for years. When’s it going to be your turn?” This isn’t exactly what Nick says or overtly implies, but it is something that Bridget feels and understands. She’s been dodging the problems in Chicago that Nick has to deal with daily. But, like Nick, Bridget has her own life and her own problems too. On the exterior, it looks like she has everything in order. She lives in California rather than freezing winter Chicago. She is prospering in her career as a chef. She’s married to a successful man and has a loving daughter who she believes is thriving in college. But all isn’t well with her below the surface, and some of the actions that she takes while she is with her mother, father, brother, and sister in Chicago show that she might be the most unstable of everyone in the family. She makes some of the most questionable decisions of all of the characters (at least of the characters who know what they are doing), and she affects not just her life but the lives of many others, innocent people, as well. The love she sees between her parents illustrates perfectly to her the loveless marriage in her own life. And she doesn’t do well with it. Swank brings out the inherent complexities in Bridget’s character.